Tired Girl

Hey HI HI HI.....and guess what I had a birthday and am now 29 again....LOL..nope 42 and proud...

Right now it is 9:57 pm on Wednesday night, and I am actually supposed to be looking at these two powerpoint presentations that I am supposed to have a webx in the 7 in the morning while simultaneously looking at the web tool interface. Yea....don't think so...I'm tired...and was up this morning at 5:15 with the sun coming up and actually Buster (the pug) was in his crate yowling...so I got up..and took both dogs downstairs it was so peacefull outside and then put buster in the dog run and lola in her bed downstairs and crawled back upstairs to get all comfy in bed again, because I actualy set my alarm for 6:50...well then I heard all kinds of commotion in the dog run...and yes the dogs were playing with Buster all excited that he came into visit so early....stupid on my part.

Oh well I was up by then...day went well today worked a bit on the non-profit that I am doing with Boo and also preparing for another meeting tomorrow.. Later in the afternoon, the dogs decided to dig to China again because they heard that the Olympics are going to be there and yes...they also heard that they are not serving dog. How polite of them...well Ray and I looked out the window at the water everwhere again because of the sprinkler system being dug up and what do we see besides water mud etc. Roxy our other dog (yes we are so insaine) with this huge root in her mouth....and Ray and I were laughing so hard because she was talkin to us with her eyes: She was saying...."Look at me and my bad self, yea I dug it up, and proud of it." Now she talks with a bit of a southern drawl.. She was so proud, and it looked like a huge spider with 20 legs hanging from her mouth, and it was basically her kill, and she was sharing with us.

We laughed so hard, and I guess you have to be there but just the look on her face..so proud...When I was tuckin in Ray tonight for bed she and I were talking about it again and at the same time we both go "She was so proud" did the fist bump after that...LOL

Well tomorrow I have an appointment with my Oncologist...Dr. Phil Manno..gonna go for some more tests, and then start the dreaded yucky pills I have to take for the next 5-7 years...supposed to make you all out of sorts..let me look up the side effects hold on......(long pause)

Hot flashes -- in up to 80 percent of people
Water retention -- up to 32 percent
Nausea -- up to 26 percent
Irregular menstrual periods -- up to 25 percent
Weight loss -- up to 23 percent
Abnormal Periods -- up to 23 percent.

Other common tamoxifen side effects (occurring in 2 to 19 percent of people taking the drug) included:
Increased risk of Uterine Cancer- Yea no thanks
Bone pain- Broke a bone before that hurts
Back pain- Been there done that
Headaches - Those suck
Cough- Already a side effect of my high blood pressure meds....nice
High cholesterol (see Tamoxifen and High Cholesterol)= Great just turned 42 dad died at 42 from heart related problems
Fatigue- I'm aready a sloth..(not really)
Muscle pain- hmmmm could use a massage actually
Ovarian cysts- been there done that
Skin changes- Huh? Will I turn purple?
Blood Clots- Been there done that X 2
Infection- Where?
Indigestion or heartburn- Stocking up on Pepto Bismol
Insomnia (see Tamoxifen and Insomnia)- GREEEEEAAAATTT
Constipation or diarrhea- Do I get them both yipeee..I choose constipation on Monday and Diarrhea Tuesday..and they call Wednesday hump day...not happening
Anemia- I already glow in the dark
Weight gain (see Tamoxifen and Weight Gain)- In my bra whooooo! ..
Mood changes- God help us all!!! Do I get xanax as a kicker....?
Hair loss- Do I get to choose which body part I loose it from??
Guess what everyone...Im not taking the friggin pills, I will take my chances...

I'm crying right now....LMAO...

Love you all....talk to you after tomorrow....

Stacy...

Faith believe and wisdom....I wear them on my fingers engraved into 3 silver rings...my mantra for my life..

Have my faith tatoo...boo too and Lori and Lesley

Want a claudaugh ring....represents faith...have to get one of those soon...Ireland here I come.

Stacy

Faith believe and wisdom....I wear them on my fingers engraved into 3 silver rings...my mantra for my life..

Have my faith tatoo...boo too and Lori and Lesley

Want a claudaugh ring....represents faith...have to get one of those soon...Ireland here I come.

Stacy

Hi all...

I went to the doctor yesterday for an "exapansion"....not wanting to expand anymore actually, but he wants one more...I am already 50ml larger than the implant that they are going to replace the exander with. Can you say OUCH!... I used to be so excited to get the fill up...but now...not so much.

I only got a little of a fill up because it is like filling a water baloon and you know when you know it is full but you think just a little more...and you are hoping it doesn't break? Yea..thats me right now.

I talked to my surgeon yesterday and during surgery he attached an alloderm graft inside my chest it goes from 2 o'clock to 7 o'clock. I was wondering why my ribs below my boobie were hurting so bad...well he attached the graft to my stomach muscles right below my boobie with a running stitch (hundreds of them) about a centimeter apart all the way up. This skin was donated by a cadaver...so I have someone elses skin inside of me....good point though they wash all of the cells out of the skin before they implant them.

I asked my surgeon how in the heck did he do that? I only had an incision that is about 2 inches long and on the side of my boobie, how did he get all the way down to my stomach muscles inside to attach this graft with a running stitch even? He just smiled and said...no one has ever asked me that before, and he appreciated that i took the time to and that I appreciated his work! Of course I appreciate his work...he is an artist and still has more work to do... He was all happy and proud! Amazing actually! Well next week one more fill up...then a month or two and I have surgery to put in the silacone implant! Yea!

He says that is a day surgery, so I will be in and out and asking for fries with that! (Drive Through)

Thanks for listening,

Stacy

Today is July 5th, 2008....

It's been a while since I have written, but basically it has been more of the same. Each week I have gone for a fill, and I actually am going to take a break this week because my pectorial muscle is really really sore. Having a hard time just moving my arm up and down, sleeping...but i'm doing ok.

I honestly can not wait for all of this to be complete, but actually I've heard a saying to cherish every step to your journey because each step is a lesson that you must go through to get to where you want to be.

Denzil Washington tells his kids, "You do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do." If you ask my kids the question: "What do you do?" They will roll there eyes and say: "You do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do." So they got it I guess. Simple really.

Well so you wanna hear about my 4th of July???

Independence Day... Well I went to the market and got a 3foot sandwich, and all kinds of other yummy things to make. Ray and I went and the poor dear had to help me schlep the one case of water onto the cart because I still can't lift that much, and she was so cute to help me and loved every step of the grocery shopping. I on the other hand would rather lay down on the hot pavement in the middle of the street than go grocery shopping. Can't stand it! Don't mind making the food, and eating it..just don't like crusing up and down the aisles searching for processed cheese spread and finding it on the chip aisle? Wouldn't you think it would be by the cheese. Bastards! They think it is funny to put cheese on the chip aisle. It was a big block of Velveta, for the bean dip I made. I also made enchalada cassarole with chicken, and two beautiful pies!

The pies were pineapple and creamcheese in a graham cracker crust, with strawberries, bannanas, bluberries and whip cream on the top! Yes to die for! We had a large assortment of fireworks, many that were not "exactly legal" for our county...which I was not aware of until they were flying into the sky and exploding like the fireworks on New Year's eve!

Yes they were pretty, but I was not exactly that happy. One thing I found out last night is that alcohol and fire works don't mix, and some people really don't know when to stop...that is the drinking and the fireworks.

It's around 10 pm and everyone is perched out front in chairs and we even have the two dogs buster and lola out front with us. I thought it best to start to wind down and asked Chris to put Buster away in his bed upstairs. Now Chris (Amanda's B-friend)is still nursing a broken wrist with a brace, and busters bed is a little tricky to say the least to latch. Well I was out front sweeping up some of the mess when all of the sudden I hear a loud pop and lowe and behold, a bush is on fire.

Yes, and it is around 100 degrees outside and the bush is basically just kindling at this point. Now the bush is about one foot from Chris's truck, so I am yelling as I am beating the bush with the broom "chris move your truck it's on fire" he is still upstairs and hears everyone screaming..and flys down the stairs and can't even get his keys fast enough juggling them in his hands as he is running all the while...the flames are getting higher, and lickin the tree about 5feet in the air. The flames are under his truck and any minute now the gas tank will explode, and yes I am still beating the burning bush with the broom, that at this time has no bristles left because they have all melted. So I am basically beating the burning bush with a plastic stick!

What is everyone else doing? I couldn't tell you I was too engrossed in the fire that I can now see is catching the tree on fire, at any second I was going to scream call the fire department. Well.....Randy Berto's friend comes running up with the ice chest minus the beer bottles...(I guess someone took the time to take all of the beer and soda out of it before dumping it on the burning bush) and put out the flames at least to a point that we could stomp out the rest. And you know what I thought was really funny...here comes Berto with a pan full of water and dumps it on the smoldering black carcas of a bush and says "I guess I'm a little late." This is my son who wants to be a fireman....starting the fire, and then late putting it out.

I look at everyone, and basically they were all just spectators...Unbelievable. Seriously I was beating the burning bush with all of my might...standing next to a truck that was going to explode at any second and the only one who moved was Berto who went inside to get a pan full of water, and his friend Randy. Rob sat on the chair with his leg elevated because of the surgery, and I think I actually saw him eating popcorn! There were 3 other men there and they finally came around but after the flames were around 2 inches high. Disaster averted.

No...I couldn't make this up if I tried, and again I am looking for the cameras.

But wait...that is not it...Everyone decided they wanted to play basketball. With beer bottles and the trashcan. Everyone missed. So yes glass in the street, cars driving by..and our neighbors are putting together a petition to name us the HillJacks of Abalone Bay...I was inside with Ray when this was happening cleaning up the burnt embers off my clothes and looking at my singed eyebrows and making sure that the black soot would eventually come off of my white shorts...

I hear the crashing of bottles, and yes the man in the chair was leading the contest, and at this point I got the big broom not the broom which was basically a stick with melted bristles and (no I didn't hit anyone with it, although a flash of using it that way did cross my mind) and started to sweep up the street. Ray helped me, Chris helped me...the others were cleaning up the mess from all of the fireworks... The man in the chair (Rob) kept cracking open beer after beer and playing basketball....well that got very tireing on my part. So I opened another beer and asked him if he wanted it, he said yes....so I prompltly poured it over his head, and asked him if he wanted another, and before he could answer because he was wiping the beer from his face and I think drowning and actually couldn't speak at this point, gave him another beer...yes over his head.

Well he stopped drinking and playing basketball.

That my friends was day 72 of my journey through breast cancer. Sound like fun? But on a lighter note...I feel really good, and I am blessed to be alive and healthy and get to experience all the days of my life.

Stacy