Tired Girl

Hi everyone...well today is Halloween! Yea! Yesterday was a day at the doctors. I had two doctors appointments both lasting at least 2 hours.

First with the Plastic Surgeon- That was good, he is really a great doctor, so I will have my 4th and hopefully final surgery, again quick in and out...

Second with my Oncologist- That was ugh... so can not go on any drugs to supress my estrogen production. I am er pr positive so my cells actually attract the estrogen an bind with them. Nice..the drugs block the binding ability therefore so the cancer cells, or abnormal cells don't grow. I can't take it because the side effects are blood clots. So he suggested that maybe a hysterectomy, or just taking out my ovaries would work?

I'm not happy about that decision either. So hmmm... another thought that I must ponder. I'm not thinking I want to take out my ovaries! That would mean pre menopause. Goodness this is such craziness, I think that everything is like ok DONE, and I turn the corner and wow another surprise.

The medication I am taking for my neuropothy, is making everything I eat..taste yucky.. but better than having the neuropathy pain I think.

Ok so I am so excited tonight is Halloween, so Chili, which is a tradition! I will make a large batch or two..or three... Maybe Enchalada Cassarole as well. Trick or treating...and a party! I am a Gangsta...with a mens sport coat, stockings a bullet hole in my forehead, although Boo doesn't want me to have a bullet hole...I may just be a pretty Gangsta...have to have the hat...and the gun...tons of toys guns..

I will upload a picture in a few days...Yipee! Should video it and upload to Utube..we see....

Take care you most wonderful amazing people that care about me!

Stacy

I was wondering, and thinking, and I am a little distrubed right now. I was told the other day by a certain someone in my world, that I need to really get over and not complain about the whole "Breast cancer" thing. Now, I am not one to complain, really I am not. I pretty much keep my thoughts to myself, my pain to myself, I may not "act" the same... ie: Resting a bit more, or not giving a Sh*t if the house is perfectly clean... that kind of stuff. I find it incredibly insensitive that someone could say to me... you should really "get over it" basically.

Hmmm....I think I am doing pretty good for what I have been through actually. I have heard so many stories from so many women and they are all so different actually, and some so much more trying than mine etc. But to me it is all about how you take it, you know? How you handle the stresses. In my immediate famliy. My diagnosis, and further surgeries, actually doesn't mean jack! Oh another surgery, no biggie. Sometimes I'm dying inside. Why do I blog, why did I start the non profit company? To help women. Women who feel helpless. I feel helpless sometimes. I don't have the support that I would want much of the time.

Another thing that is bothering me. Doctors (sometimes). I spoke with one of mine yesterday. I asked him again about puting me on a SERM (Selective Estrogen-Receptive Modulators) he said yes you should be on it. Now.... I went through this before, I asked him If I was his sister, would he put me on this? He was like yes, but "you didn't want to be on it." So you put your trust in a physician to do what is best for you, so he told me yesterday that I should be on something. Well again I looked up my 3 choices for the SERM Drugs, and they all have side effects saying that blood clots are an issue. I can't do that. Had 2 Pulmonary Emboli so I'm out on that note.

Anyway one of the drugs specifically said that it didn't work for recurring breast cancer. Meaning it didn't stop breast cancer from recurring. Hmmm. Why take it then?
So I am not. I don't know if this will bite me in the future, but what I do know is that I need more peace and tranquility surrounding me.... I need to be able to have some arms to crawl into and feel safe, not constantly defending myself and fighting off the fear. I don't have time to constantly defend my Survivorship to others, I don't have time to sit and figure out why others are so angry with thier lives and I only want to surround myself with Joy and Peace and Tranquility.


I love talking with Survivors, I love sharing stories of hope and fears too...being able to just talk with someone who understands that once you have had cancer, even if it was Stage 0, it is cancer none the less. I like to look straight into the eyes, and see the souls of these people even if only through a photograph...yes..the eyes are the window's to the soul.

Yea, something new.... I have to check that box at the doctors offices when filling out the new patient paperwork: Medical History- High Blood Pressure...check...Heart Disease in the family....check....Cancer....check... That was a sobering moment.

The photo above...amazing huh? That is Tobias Pedersen look at his photos at http://www.mostphotos.com/Morjas

Stacy

Hey everyone,

Yea I am here....Yea it has been a while. Just been working and relaxing and another surgery again.... and back to the doctor tomorrow morning. Have to have some more tests with my oncologist as well.

So one or two more surgeries, not looking forward to it, but the sooner the better actually.

Working hard on our non profit, and it is keeping me and everyone so busy!

Working hard on my other business too! So working, resting, surgeries ya know the drill!

I love you all...thank you for always caring!

Stacy