Tired Girl

I was wondering, and thinking, and I am a little distrubed right now. I was told the other day by a certain someone in my world, that I need to really get over and not complain about the whole "Breast cancer" thing. Now, I am not one to complain, really I am not. I pretty much keep my thoughts to myself, my pain to myself, I may not "act" the same... ie: Resting a bit more, or not giving a Sh*t if the house is perfectly clean... that kind of stuff. I find it incredibly insensitive that someone could say to me... you should really "get over it" basically.

Hmmm....I think I am doing pretty good for what I have been through actually. I have heard so many stories from so many women and they are all so different actually, and some so much more trying than mine etc. But to me it is all about how you take it, you know? How you handle the stresses. In my immediate famliy. My diagnosis, and further surgeries, actually doesn't mean jack! Oh another surgery, no biggie. Sometimes I'm dying inside. Why do I blog, why did I start the non profit company? To help women. Women who feel helpless. I feel helpless sometimes. I don't have the support that I would want much of the time.

Another thing that is bothering me. Doctors (sometimes). I spoke with one of mine yesterday. I asked him again about puting me on a SERM (Selective Estrogen-Receptive Modulators) he said yes you should be on it. Now.... I went through this before, I asked him If I was his sister, would he put me on this? He was like yes, but "you didn't want to be on it." So you put your trust in a physician to do what is best for you, so he told me yesterday that I should be on something. Well again I looked up my 3 choices for the SERM Drugs, and they all have side effects saying that blood clots are an issue. I can't do that. Had 2 Pulmonary Emboli so I'm out on that note.

Anyway one of the drugs specifically said that it didn't work for recurring breast cancer. Meaning it didn't stop breast cancer from recurring. Hmmm. Why take it then?
So I am not. I don't know if this will bite me in the future, but what I do know is that I need more peace and tranquility surrounding me.... I need to be able to have some arms to crawl into and feel safe, not constantly defending myself and fighting off the fear. I don't have time to constantly defend my Survivorship to others, I don't have time to sit and figure out why others are so angry with thier lives and I only want to surround myself with Joy and Peace and Tranquility.


I love talking with Survivors, I love sharing stories of hope and fears too...being able to just talk with someone who understands that once you have had cancer, even if it was Stage 0, it is cancer none the less. I like to look straight into the eyes, and see the souls of these people even if only through a photograph...yes..the eyes are the window's to the soul.

Yea, something new.... I have to check that box at the doctors offices when filling out the new patient paperwork: Medical History- High Blood Pressure...check...Heart Disease in the family....check....Cancer....check... That was a sobering moment.

The photo above...amazing huh? That is Tobias Pedersen look at his photos at http://www.mostphotos.com/Morjas

Stacy