Tired Girl

It's Sunday...

OH hold on a minute..I need to take the dogs out!

Ok back...

So yesterday was a day of fun! Not necessarily for me..but everyone else had fun.

I drove around in the morning with Ray to get some food for dinner. I ordered some mexican food from Roberto's because Rob said a lot of people were coming over to watch the fight/Lakers game.

It's just so funny. I wonder how it is ok, to spend all day...and I mean all day drinking beer, and swimming and spending time not with me..but with his friends..and that would include Berto. Ya, Berto and Rob are like the greatest friends.
As I sat on the stairs last night with Boo, around 11:45 pm...we discussed this:

What if I had a bus load of friends over my house all friggen day long, drinking beer and swimming? What would Rob do? I think he would leave. What do I do? Oh I make food..and serve.

Crappy actually. Oh and when I ask people to leave...ya at this point I have been upstairs for at least 3 hours, and Rob passed out in bed an hour ago, and yes people are still in my pool, and my jacuzzi....What is up with that?

Then I come down and be the B*tch and tell these people to leave..and they look at me like I have three eyes! Are you kidding me??? Ugh... I am so done with these parties and people coming over and spending 300$ on food and beer for everyone to eat.

Do you know what I would just like? I would like to just sit in the jacuzzi with my man...and just talk and laugh, and plan my future with him, and live.

I don't like to compete. I don't like to beg for time, because we really don't know how much time we have left.

So I went downstairs to put the dog out...and there is a trashcan that is totally overflowing with Beer cans... That is so redneck!

My perfect evening...soft music..candles..kicking in the jacuzzi...talking about life.

My not perfect evening...listening to hard music, tons of people screaming in the backyard, towels and towels to wash, going to my room just to be able to breathe and be alone....

How unaware is my family??? And when I say something... I am asked where I parked my broom!

Ya...I'm a little pissed off right now... Looking forward to Florida in a few weeks, like you have no idea!

Going to the OC again on Tuesday...just for a day trip..or maybe I will stay 1 night.

Ok..now I will go...and continue to be irritated!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

OK.... So it's May 21st... been a hellish 3 weeks since I wrote last!

My Grandma passed away and it was horrible. I found out on Monday morning May 4th that I needed to jump on a plane quick and get to California.

So I just made the reservation...got on the plane and my Aunt picked me up. We went straight to the hospital. My grandmother was not even very up...or awake. I fed her some water..and some ensure by a spoon, and we awaited the ambulance to pick her up to take her home.

We were taking her home, not because she was ok... we were taking her home to die.

How do you do that? How do you pack your grandma up and then get her to her house and just watch and wait for her to die?

WOW...I have never dealt with anything so sad and just plain crazy.

We nursed her night and day. I stayed with my mother, and my brother flew in from Atlanta...and we just waited...

Lots of pain, and a difficult interaction with a family member and she finally passed. I didn't want to see her go..

I remember so much.. I didn't want to remember her like that.

Ugh...

Did the whole funeral thing, with a twist! Ya..not talking about the twist.

I'm happy to be home after 2 weeks in California.

I am taking the girls on holiday to Florida at the end of next month...need some time with the girls.

I am so looking forward to that!

Just plugging along in this life..but I do believe that I would like to make some more plans. I am not sure what is prompting this, but I have a really crazy feeling that I need to do things in my life. Not wait until we have enough money to do everything. You NEVER have enough money to do things...or it isn't the right time to do things... ya know??

I have to do "things"- What things???

Here I will make a list:

I want to make a plan to go to visit one of the hotels here on the strip at least once a month, go to a show, go to dinner... I walked by the Paris Hotel this morning with Boo... and saw this cute cafe called "Mon Ami Gabi" which translates into My Friend Gabi. They are open for breakfast at 7am to 11am. How cool is that? I want to go to "Mon Ami Gab" and have breakfast.

I want to go on a weekend away with Rob just to reconnect...it's good for us to reconnect.

I want to take my Girls to New York, and to Paris in the next year. Paris in the spring time.. my dream.

I want to go to DC, and walk the Holocaust museum. I went there before..didn't stay long, but loved it.

I want to go to Italy, and take a picture by the Tivoli fountains.

I want to swim in the Mediterranean Sea, and ride a donkey in Greece.

I want to make plans to spend the rest of my life. I can't live my life in a day to day existance... I honestly would probably die if I couldn't make plans.

I don't think I was so much like this before. But I did need to always look forward to something to do, but now it is like a sickness...something that I can't seem to shake.

I want to get up, get out, live life..and not in a 9-5 everyday existence.

I want to share all the good times I have left with my family, my kids, and make plans to do that.

I look so forward to my new grandson, Connor. I love him so much already. He will be a great joy.

I want control of me..

I want to share my introspective thoughts as well...

I am a bit confused really on my life mission. I do know that I am to help people, and I think I am doing that, it was a promise I made to God, in 11th grade actually...one day when I lost something that I really really liked. I promised God right there that I would grow up and do something to help people. Silly huh???
But...he answered my prayer, and hopefully he is looking at me and thinking I am doing some good.

Although honestly, he already knows what I am going to do with me...Funny huh!

I guess he gave us free will too.. I could have made some bad choices..and maybe I did..but now I think I am on the right Path. (she says hesitantly)

So I was reading Osho today... and I like this thought..

"In the night, if you go to a lake and the lake is silent and there are no ripplles, the lake becomes a mirror. You can look at yourself in the lake, but you are false--just a reflection. The reflection comes from the real, but the reflection is not real. Mind is just as reflecting Phenomenon."

Ok... so I'm going to get dinner for me and Ray and Boo and CoCo..

That's a good thing...

Love you!

Hey just a quick note...It's Rob's birthday today...I spent the day shopping with Boo..most of the stuff we bought was for her..funnny how thast happens.

We will have dinner here tonight for him...yea enchalada cassarole, and the kids and some friends..

Maybe swim..

It's a good thing!

Tomorrow is the Race for the Cure...I am so excited!

Everyone is going but I don't think Berto will be there :( I don't think Codena wants to go.

So up early in the morning...and off to the race!!

Oki doki...i have to go....still have to go to the market!