Tired Girl

Hi folks welcome to day 7....

Well went to get the MRI of the boobies with contrast....no such luck again! Poked 6 times...I was done. Doctor said that we don't need the test but I think that I may run over to my oncologist tomorrow to see if he can get a vein...I called him on his mobile (speed dial) and he called me right back...so lucky he is a good friend...I'm so lucky!

I feel in good spirits, and actually feel really good today...not tired or anything..

Went to eat at Paymon's my favorite place, had a greek salad. Went with my BFF.

Well not much to do the rest of this day...just hang out with my little one she just got home from California!

Yea!

Happy mood! Remember girls FEEL YOUR BOOBIES! Go get a mammo!

Stacy

Went to the doctors this morning and I found out that my cancer is both estrogen and progesterone receptive... so it is a good thing I guess. Also found out that because I am not 45 years old I do not fit the protocol for Radiation therapy with the baloon...which is about 1 week compared to 6 weeks. Sucks for me!

Came home and cleaned out my closet and got rid of 6 large hefty bags of clothes. I feel like i want to purge, maybe it is a normal thing not sure. I want to clean, and I feel like I am nesting a bit. No baby here, just breast cancer. So I wanted to post below a little lesson I learned today in how Hormones Play a role in Breast Cancer Treatment...it's 2:34 pm and this is day 6.

What Role Do Hormones Play in Breast Cancer Treatment?
Hormone receptors are like ears or antennae on a cell. Estrogen sends signals through the receptors that tell breast cancer cells to grow. Cells with estrogen receptors grow and multiply when estrogen attaches to the receptors.

After a breast cancer is removed, the cancer cells are tested to see if they have hormone receptors. If either estrogen or progesterone receptors are present, a response to hormonal therapy is very possible. The more estrogen or progesterone receptors present on those cells, the more likely that hormonal therapy will work against the particular cancer. If high levels of both estrogen and progesterone receptors are present, an even greater response to hormonal therapy is likely.

The other name for hormonal therapy is "anti-estrogen therapy." The goal of therapy is to starve the breast cancer cells of the hormone they thrive on, which is estrogen.

What percentage of breast cancers have hormone receptors?

About 75% of breast cancers are estrogen-receptor-positive ("ER-positive" or "ER+").
About 65% of ER-positive breast cancers are also progesterone-receptor-positive ("PR-positive" or "PR+").
About 25% of breast cancers are ER-negative ("ER–") and PR-negative ("PR–") or of "unknown" status.
About 10% of breast cancers are ER-positive and PR-negative.
About 5% of breast cancers are ER-negative and PR-positive.
If cells have receptors for both hormones OR receptors for one of the two hormones, the cancer is consider hormone-receptor-positive.
In this context, "positive" means that a significant number of cancer cells have receptors in them. "Negative" means that the cells do not have significant numbers of receptors.

The definition of "significant" varies from one hospital or testing center to another. If 5–10% or more of the cells have hormone receptors, that's usually reported as a positive result. But if a report says "negative" or "borderline," it's still important to look at HOW positive the level is. For example, the laboratory may label a 5% level of being positive for hormone receptors as "negative," but even cancers at that level may have a good response to hormonal therapy.

Sometimes, a report will come back from the laboratory saying that the hormone status is "unknown." This may mean one of several things:

The test was never ordered or done.
The sample of tissue that the laboratory received was too small to get reliable results.
Few estrogen and progesterone receptors were present.
If there are no hormone receptors present, or they cannot be measured or seen, or the status is "unknown," the cancer is called hormone-receptor-negative.

How do the hormones work?
Estrogen and progesterone travel through the bloodstream and find their matching receptor sites on both healthy cells and cancer cells. Receptors are very specialized protein molecules that sit on the outside or inside of the cells in your body. They act like an on–off switch for a particular activity in the cell. If the right substance comes along that fits into the receptor—like a key fitting into a lock—the switch is turned on and a particular activity in the cell begins.

Many breast cancers are hormone-dependent—which means that estrogen and progesterone stimulate their growth by "turning on" hormone receptors in the cancer cells. Without these hormones, the cancer cells are not stimulated to grow. They wither, and eventually they may die.

Estrogen and progesterone play roles in the development of certain breast cancers:

Estrogen is a very important "key" for the estrogen-receptor (ER) sites throughout the body AND on some breast cancer cells
Progesterone receptors (PR) can also be involved in turning on breast cancer cell growth
When a cancer shows few or no estrogen receptors (when it is "ER-negative,") hormonal therapy is usually not effective. But if there ARE progesterone receptors, hormonal therapy may sometimes be helpful anyway. Women whose cancers are PR-positive but ER-negative have about a 10% chance of responding to hormonal therapy. If you have an ER-negative breast cancer, you and your doctor should discuss whether the possible benefits of hormonal therapy are worth exploring for YOU.

How will you respond to hormonal therapy?
If hormone receptors are present in your breast cancer cells, you will probably have a good response to hormonal therapy. The more receptors, the better your response:

If both estrogen and progesterone receptors are present (ER+/PR+), your chance of responding to hormonal therapy is about 70%.
If you are estrogen-receptor-positive only (ER+/PR–) OR progesterone-receptor-positive only (ER–/PR+), you have about a 33% chance of responding.
If the receptor status is unknown, there is about an overall 10% chance of responding.
Cell with estrogen receptors, estrogen, and helper proteins.

A Estrogen receptor

B Estrogen

C Estrogen helper proteins

D Nucleus

E DNA genetic material

Estrogen has many different functions, including helping you develop dense, strong bones. It's good to have strong bones (and other good things that estrogen helps to provide, like lower cholesterol and a sense of well-being), but it's best not to have the breast-cell growth stimulation that goes along with the higher estrogen levels.

Some studies have shown that elderly women with high bone mineral density (strong bones) have an increased risk of breast cancer, particularly advanced cancer. This has led to rumors about dense breasts and dense bones causing breast cancer. But it's not the extra thickness of the breasts or the thickness of the bones that causes an increased risk of breast cancer. Relatively high estrogen levels in the body probably produce all three things: denser breasts, stronger bones, AND a higher risk of breast cancer.

Cell with estrogen receptors blocked by tamoxifen and helper proteins.

A Estrogen receptor

B Tamoxifen

C Estrogen helper proteins

D Tamoxifen helper proteins

E Nucleus

F DNA genetic material

This is day 5...

I slept until 9:46 am...it was either the darvocet I took last night, or the fact that at 2am I was up because my kids decided to watch tv at 100 decibles...

Stayed in bed until 1pm...

Called my littlest one in California...she is having fun

Went to eat at Caraba's Italian Restaurant...

Went to the market...

Came home...

Blogging...

Nothing else much today...feel a little anxiety want to get this out of me...and can't wait to...but I am going to California on Friday to see my mother and my family and some friends. To let them know what is going on. Also I am going to see my grandmother. She is suffering from Liver Cancer. Not sure what the next few months have in store for me...but I would like to see her before all of the stuff starts.

I think about the last 6 months of my life, and I don't know sometimes I think that I've felt really tired, and sometimes I felt so tired, as sick to my stomach...I wonder if it was that..emotionally I have been spent too. Actually since June 2nd 2006 my life has been a series of ups and downs..from almost dying because of 2 P.E.'s to a hugh blow up with his family (still don't speak) to Rob movin..etc. you all know the drill...

I decided that I want no stress in my life...If I have to have nothing, I would have nothing. I don't care. My job presently is so stressful, so I vow to myself: Stress free, exercise, control what I can, eat right, let things go, understand my illness.

What ever I have to do to live this way I will do. Because in the end it will save my life.

I need to.....

It's Sunday morning April 27th and I am sitting in my home office. It's quiet except for the incessant chatter in my mind and my belly growling. Well my day ended with me falling into bed around 9:30 after a day of riding quads with the family minus my little one who hopped on a plane with her Grama yestereday morning to go to California for a famliy birthday/confirmation party.

I don't mind quadding...it's fun. My idea of quadding consists of mostly an organized place with picnic tables and a fire pit perhaps? No such luck...we were basically 4 wheeleing down a dried up river bed in Logandale with boulders and whoops! Whoops..definition: waves in the landscape that you go over..

So it was my 2 oldest kids, Rob's friend, and my sons girlfriend and Rob and I. When we finally landed, yes landed because we were airborne most of the time..I was thankful! Wow it was so pretty though, nestled in between tall red sandstone cliffs...in the distance were red sand dunes, reminded me of that Arnold Swartzeneger movie "Total Recall" set in Mars. We dragged off the quads and the cooler jammed packed with refreshments, and had stopped on the way to get sandwiches at a little deli on Water street...so got those all snuggled into the cooler to keep the mayo from poisening us later..

I don't ride that much, but did take a quad to ride the red dunes so nice and pretty.

I sat and watched everyone ride pretty much all day long...hiked up on a sandstone mountain...found a beautiful flower just growing in the middle of the cliffs...it was purple and small and pretty...and I realized that this little flower was out in the open...in the middle of a river bed of sandstone and cliffs, as small as my pinki fingernail, and was as strong and standing tall about a quarter of an inch to be exact and it survives. It is a surviver.

Rob asked my why didn't I step on it..well I guess I felt it symbolized me..It was strong, and stood alone in the middle of this vast desert and was beautiful and living..to step on it...would be to end its heroic ability to grow and survive and live. I love that little flower...

We left around 7:30 took us one and a half hours to get home, all the while everyone making noise in the backseat. I started crying about the last ten minutes of the trip..I was driving with one ipod bud in my ear and the other one in my oldest daughters ear...and listening to drunk rumbles in the back seat of Rob and his friend...my son..and his girlfriend were just being kids as well..I think emotionally I was spent...done. Physically I was exhaused. I think the day started out nice..but was too long. I became the designated driver, didn't like that much, and really spent the most part of the day...reflecting on things in life. Actually at the end of the day while falling into bed, I would not do that again, I guess I would rather have a medical exam at grand central station at high noon, and film it for girls gone wild!

At the end of the day..I guess I am trying to find security admist the noise of my life... I would say to find a partner who was more caring and understanding of me and how I feel a bit more. We don't talk about my cancer..I brought it up but he said he didn't really think about it too much, and that I will be just fine. So he deals with it like he deals with everything by being quiet. I can't imagine how he feels, or how the kids feel (haven't told the little one all the details yet...just little bits and pieces...not using the c-word...saying "the yucky stuff")...I guess scared. My oldest doesn't want to talk about it either, and my son...well it really doesn't exist for him either. Hmm..who do I talk to then? I realize that guess what this is my journey, this is my life, and whether or not i like it..it's mine to live.

And that was day 4...

Hi....well I thought today was going to be an in and out MRI..and no such luck?

I got to the radiology place in time and ready to go...My BFF Lori came with me for support (the bestist friend ever) and so we could go grab a bite to eat after the test...

Well I went into the MRI room and she sits me down, now you have to understand this is all new to me...so I didn't know I had to have contrast. So yes they have to give me an IV...

The dreaded IV...for me much worse than a "normal" person. You see..I have no veins...none..so to poke me is a nightmare, and I usually have to hydrate myself a lot before I get an IV...didn't know I was getting one...so can you say PIN CUSHION?

4 Sticks later, and no success the nurse decided to put me on a table in the other room to lay down, good thing because at this point I was just about to hit the floor anyway! So she has me squeezing a plastic squeezy thing to pump up my veins...and has a turnoquet on my arm..3 more sticks...and they decide to bring in the radiologist.

I can tell when they are close to the vein it hurts more...but at this point they get it in but it blows..twice. Fun... Looking for the cameras..I have 3 people slapping my arms, I ask the Dr. if I roll over will you slap me here? He cracks up as does his wife who is helping him at this point...I'm begging him to poke me...just get it over with..

They are searching for a vein...any vein...now they are looking at my feet..wow..an IV in the foot for an MRI..I don't like this.

The doctor tries a few more times...keep squeezing the squeezy thing....and no success..I'm a trooper..no tears...just ripping the shred out of the squeezy thing...
It is actually destroyed at this point I proclaim, and then I let them know I'm done..no more..

I will go get some more water in me..come back in two hours..

I go get dressed, Lori and I go out to the car...dead battery ! I'm looking for the cameras...this is reality TV right? We get the car jumped and at this point I decide the test can wait until next week. I have cancer, I already know that..and I can wait a few days for another test to tell me again.

So..didn't accomplish the test, but yes called roadside assistance to pick my car up when I turned it off at Lori's house, and they towed it to the deaership and I got a new battery under warranty!

YEA...so that was a plus for today!

New Battery, might need some new veins...and that my friends is day three.

Went to my first doctors appointment...Rob came as well and Lori was going for support. She has her biopsy next tuesday...that will be fun. We arrived late, not a big deal actually I think it was because secretly Rob didn't want to go. Got into the patient room, and my doctor comes in...a very sweet and great surgeon. I realized that she is the one who found the cancer, but I won't be with her long, once she does what she needs to do..I will be shuffled to an oncologist. Just so happens that I have a very good friend who is an oncologist, the best in my city and he is now on speed dial!

So next steps...as I sit there remarkably in a good mood...she explains the type of cancer, actually rolls up in her little rolly chair, and flips over the pathology report and starts to draw a picture. Pictures are nice...I would have enjoyed a picture of any thing but an image of my breast cancer, but beggers can't be choosers.

She doesn't seem to be too concerned, but we need to make sure that everything is as it appears to be; the DCIS and it has not spread, or that they missed something so we are having a bilateral MRI of my boobies today actually.

She explains that there could be much more cancer in there....or it can be exactly as it appears so far. I'm actually rooting for the latter, who'd a guesses? Then she talked about sentinal lymph node biopsy...but that would be after the lumpectomy which I will have the week of May 5th...Cinco De Maio...

Back to reality TV...So again next steps is the MRI today...

I will touch base later...So this was Day 2 and is Beginning Day 3

Well....yesterday was fun....driving down the street yesterday I thought I would call for my biopsy results...wow...the receptionist on the other side of the phone says..."Did the doctor call you?" Oh, well at that point..i wanted to vomit, do a 360 right in the middle of the freeway and be anything but alone. Well I said no...and she said well she must have left you a message. I asked her to tell me and she said..well I better let the doctor tell you. Ok, now I know I have breast cancer, without her even telling me, because she won't tell me. I finally get the news out of her because I tell her that I am not hanging up until I know. I pull off the freeway to an exit, and listen to what she says.

I hear the words DCIS...ductal carcinoma in-situ...but don't worry...you are going to be fine. You just have cancer, but you have the best one to have. Wow...that didn't make me feel any better. I hang up the phone and start to cry harder. I call Rob, and he is driving and tell him...wow..blown away..he couldn't even talk.

I was on my way to MiMi's to grab lunch...and now my whole life has changed in less than an instant. Rob is at work and will get to me as soon as he can. I dial my BFF and we were meeting for lunch, well now...I'm basically wretching in the car and can barely talk. I tell her and she of corse is crying right along with me. Instead of going to Mimi's we are going to her house which is a couple of blocks away. I'm still waiting for the doctor to call, and she beeps through while i'm on with my BFF.

I pull in the drive way and put the car in park, and listen to what the doctor has to say. I open the door to the car and my BFF just stands next to me while I listen intently to the doctor...I'm going to be ok she says...it's the earliest stage of breast cancer, and i'm going to be fine. At this point I see my BFF turning her head and wretching in the driveway...she is just so sick with the news.
Now I haven't even breathed yet, and I hang up..I have to see her first thing in the morning. We cry in the drive way...I have an hour until I have to pick up my oldest from School...and I have to tell her.

I call my mom and leave a message..just call me...I call my brother and leave a message..just call me..so waiting for return calls.

How weird to tell people about this. I almost feel like i don't want to say a word to anyone.

I picked up my daughter from school and told her, she cried but I assured her that it was going to be ok...

So the list goes on...my son, brother, mom's, father, and a few close friends and other people that I love I have to tell them to their face....

How do I feel? I guess numb would be a good answer. Mad...another word that comes to my head. Suprised? Not so much...

So I want to just basically journal this journey in my life. Then I will publish it and add the book to my book shelf...and share with the world!

I know I will beat this...I know I do not need anyone to do this with me (ok that's not true because now I am at day 25 and I am bringing everyone in) but me and God standing beside me. What it really comes down to is that this is my journey, and only I can do this, experience this, and have faith that everything will be alright, believe that all things are possible and have the wisdom to understand.

So this was day 1