Tired Girl

Well....yesterday was fun....driving down the street yesterday I thought I would call for my biopsy results...wow...the receptionist on the other side of the phone says..."Did the doctor call you?" Oh, well at that point..i wanted to vomit, do a 360 right in the middle of the freeway and be anything but alone. Well I said no...and she said well she must have left you a message. I asked her to tell me and she said..well I better let the doctor tell you. Ok, now I know I have breast cancer, without her even telling me, because she won't tell me. I finally get the news out of her because I tell her that I am not hanging up until I know. I pull off the freeway to an exit, and listen to what she says.

I hear the words DCIS...ductal carcinoma in-situ...but don't worry...you are going to be fine. You just have cancer, but you have the best one to have. Wow...that didn't make me feel any better. I hang up the phone and start to cry harder. I call Rob, and he is driving and tell him...wow..blown away..he couldn't even talk.

I was on my way to MiMi's to grab lunch...and now my whole life has changed in less than an instant. Rob is at work and will get to me as soon as he can. I dial my BFF and we were meeting for lunch, well now...I'm basically wretching in the car and can barely talk. I tell her and she of corse is crying right along with me. Instead of going to Mimi's we are going to her house which is a couple of blocks away. I'm still waiting for the doctor to call, and she beeps through while i'm on with my BFF.

I pull in the drive way and put the car in park, and listen to what the doctor has to say. I open the door to the car and my BFF just stands next to me while I listen intently to the doctor...I'm going to be ok she says...it's the earliest stage of breast cancer, and i'm going to be fine. At this point I see my BFF turning her head and wretching in the driveway...she is just so sick with the news.
Now I haven't even breathed yet, and I hang up..I have to see her first thing in the morning. We cry in the drive way...I have an hour until I have to pick up my oldest from School...and I have to tell her.

I call my mom and leave a message..just call me...I call my brother and leave a message..just call me..so waiting for return calls.

How weird to tell people about this. I almost feel like i don't want to say a word to anyone.

I picked up my daughter from school and told her, she cried but I assured her that it was going to be ok...

So the list goes on...my son, brother, mom's, father, and a few close friends and other people that I love I have to tell them to their face....

How do I feel? I guess numb would be a good answer. Mad...another word that comes to my head. Suprised? Not so much...

So I want to just basically journal this journey in my life. Then I will publish it and add the book to my book shelf...and share with the world!

I know I will beat this...I know I do not need anyone to do this with me (ok that's not true because now I am at day 25 and I am bringing everyone in) but me and God standing beside me. What it really comes down to is that this is my journey, and only I can do this, experience this, and have faith that everything will be alright, believe that all things are possible and have the wisdom to understand.

So this was day 1