Tired Girl

Well it is January 1st, and this is the start of a good year! The picture is of Ray, and I thought it was a good picture to end the year with! She is just crazy hair, with her hands up...I Love it.

I didn't write anything in the post yesterday, just made a place holder, so I will write when i feel more reflective.

I had a good night last night...just relaxed and kicked back.. Today is football, and pizza.

Everyone in the family is happy that it is a new year, since 2008 was pretty bad, and sometimes good. I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm like...Who are you? Really I look much different, more tired, and just not as bright as I used to...

I do feel a lot different as well, and It is funny because not many people understand. They just go on with their lives, as they should, and look at me the same, but if I could describe me inside..

I would say more centered, more sure of what is real in my life, what is good, and what I need to be in that centered place. I know this year kicked my butt, so bad, with 5 surgeries, and they were difficult. One of the side effects of being under anesthesia so much, I forget things...or repeat things... It is getting much better, but I do know I have to concentrate a bit harder on things.. It isn't noticeable to others as much, but to me I know it.

I also notice how people in general look at people. I really noticed that in this journey. Men tend to still look at women as being this "object" and I can't stand that. It never really bothered me at all, I would see a pretty girl, and be like "why would she dress like that?" Now, I may see that same pretty girl, and think that she is some what in the dark. A lot in the dark. Men then look at them like objects. And what this illness has taught me is that we are so much deeper than that as human beings, and probably a HUGE portion of the population, doesn't get it.

We are so concerned with our looks, and our hair, and our nails, and our clothes...all of our EGO behaviors that we forget what is essential to our being. I would go through life, worrying about the most mundane, ridiculous, things...and now none of that matters.

It really doesn't. I don't like to think about how men view women, or how women view men when it is all about the EGO. I wish for this year, people would get more in touch with themselves, and their families, their friends. Be in touch with the spiritual side of life.

Funny thing is....I guess if you haven't walked down the path, a path that makes you really contemplate your life, then I am not too sure you can even understand.

Life really is simple. You are born, you live and then you die. It's all that stuff in the middle, how you treat people, how you respect peoples wishes, not hurt people, be kind, help people if you can...and honestly get to know yourself..and learn..and share...that makes a difference.

Life is about learning. I feel that I have learned so much about people in my life so far. I have been abandoned many times, in many ways in my life, and I am a survivor. I am a survivor of life.

But this is just me...one story...one person in this world of Billions...

My New Years resolution: Be bright...shine...share...love with all that I have...keep coming out of the darkness...because there really is no such thing as darkness...it is just the absence of light. Darkness doesn't exist...according to Einstein!

Love you all...

Stacy