Tired Girl

It's that time of year again! My Faaaaaaaaavorite time of year where we celebrate such wonderful holidays! Hanukkah, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween...

Well it's December 14th, and we only have Christmas left, and of course around this house it's total chaos! We have already celebrated Hanukkah, with the beautiful lights and wonderful prayers of thanks and all that! I had the Menorah all wrapped around my Christmas Runner on my Island in the kitchen. It looked very nice!

I love being able to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. That's a long story! Born to a Jewish mother, (the one with the bony knees) who didn't celebrate being Jewish because they really didn't know they were Jewish until it was dug up some years ago. So not until she was on her own, and chose to be Jewish did she go back to her Jewish roots. I was always raised Jewish, yet we did have a Hanukkah bush as we called it! I married a good ole Italian catholic boy, and thus my 3 kids are Catholic.

So in the Martello household we are just so busy with getting everything ready for Christmas. On Christmas Eve we hold the family event. It's with my Dad and Mom (Jacquie) and my Mama, and my family with the kids Boo and Rachele and Berto with his wife Coco and the baby Connor. We invite Rob's best friend Dale, who happens to be Coco's uncle, and his two kids and his GF Staci, so it's two Stacy's which is always fun! Lats year it was the feast of the 7 fishes. Traditional Italian meal. This year not sure what the menu is yet, but I better get my self moving!

Every year we invite friends to spend time and share space with our family. Last year we had Trish and Dr. Gregg Rubinstein. They are friends from High School, who live in Midtown Manhattan. Trish went to school with Rob from 8th grade through High School, and I really think she is an amazing person. She is also a Breast Cancer survivor. We kept in touch through the years, and recently I worked with her on her non-profit organization that helps the children of The Fresh and Green Academy in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. She began doing fundraisers and helping the children, and it has become a passion of hers and Gregg, and they take at least 3 trips to the school each year.

What amazing people! I love to see how we can give back, that is what life to me is all about. Einstein said it best when he said that "Only a life lived for others, is a life worthwhile." I like that quote a lot. To me it is past a step of selflessness. To me the person who practices this has developed a sense of self worth, a loving self, and is able to surpass that, and give automatically, without thoughts of themselves. They are in no way compromising who they are, it's the opposite, they are giving to create more giving and so on.

Yesterday while shopping at the market, I smile at strangers, get mostly smiles back because it's the holiday season and shop while humming along. While checking out with my Mom and Ray, I always ask our checker, who by the way has only 3 teeth on her bottom jaw, and her husband is on house arrest for goodness knows what, (He just got out of jail, I know this because of multiple conversations over the past year or so) how she is. Giving her my full and complete presence. I stop moving, stare her straight into the eyes and ask how she is doing. She always responds. She smiles and says "Thank you for asking." I can feel her pain. She isn't so happy this soul, but deep inside she is beautiful. She is really a joyous soul. I feel that in her. We chit chat for what seems like 10 minutes, probably only 3 min. and I always Bless her, and say thank you. Being present in our conversation, not being on the phone, because I know she needs an ear, a heart that listens. When we were finished checking out, we get these stickers for Pot's and Pans. Collect enough stickers and we get a free pan. So why not right? I have 2 FREE shiny new pots thanks to Albertsons, that I got for only spending 1800$ in the past few months. I think that is funny, but if I spent $1800 at Smiths, I wouldn't have got anything, so why not spend the money and get a free pot or pan!! I almost have 90 more stickers only 3 shy, and then I will have another cooking pan! That $2700 spent in the past months shopping for 3 FREE pots and pans. LOL I love it!

Anyway....

Well as I was collecting my stickers, the man in the line next to me reached over tapped me on the shoulder and said "Merry Christmas" and promptly handed me 10 stickers! For each 10$ you spend you get one sticker. I loved that! He could have thrown the stickers away but this guy, nope he wanted to give something away. He was around 6 feet tall, football player looking kind of guy, not one that you would expect to hand you stickers and say Merry Christmas, but he did, right there smack dab in the middle of the checkout line. It's all about sharing and giving. I felt blessed right there...

Like attracts Like! It's physics.

I was completely present in my conversation, giving full joy, as well as not judging and the energy spilled over to the football guy in the next checkout lane.

So I promptly promised to pay it forward, and wished him a Merry Christmas too!

My daughter and Mom just smiled!

I absolutely love the way that life works, even when it's not perfect, it's exactly as it should be!

Love you all!!

Stacy

I want fat knees... for the third time is so many days, I banged my knee....the right knee on some sort of hard non moving object. Once on the game table just re adjusting while playing scrabble, I winced in pain to see my family looking at me with strange anticipation of me then falling to the floor and continue to contort myself. That didn't happen, they just wanted to know what could possibly elicit a pain response so suddenly. I said "The bony knee!" Oh....ya, no biggie, no help just looked back down to the scrabble play board.

The second time, getting up from the dinner table, on Thanksgiving. Ya, had 15 people there..I just winced, then drug myself around the corner to the bathroom and continued to cuss and contort all in private of course!

The third time, in my brother in laws office where we were sleeping, banged right into the stationary HUGE black desk. Like it wasn't there what so ever. Ya, fell into the chair, only to see Rob looking at me with a bit of concern. Ya...the bony knee again I managed to squeek out between loud yelps!! UGGG... give me some FAT!!!!
He walks out of the room and as I fall to the floor, I decide to call my mother and thank her.

I am blaming her for the boney knees. My knees are so boney, why?? I have no idea. The other parts of me are not boney. I would rather take some fat from some other part of my body and transplant to my friggin knees.

They are bony knees, and not even pretty what so ever. The right knee, is always the one to bear the brunt of my bumping. Probably because I tend to move that one first! (Right Handed)

My mother said that she decided not to be catholic because she cant kneel. LOL... She at the age of 8 decided that she will not be catholic, walked straight home from Catholic school because she couldn't kneel...because of her bony knees.

LOL..

So as I called to tell my Mom that I wanted the Fat knees, she promptly told me that she is 68, and she has news for me.... "that's not going to happen!" She has had bony knees for her whole life, and actually the rest of her is bony too!! I just got the bony knees from her...thanks MOM!

I got so many wonderful traits from my mother...but the bony knees.... I give them back!!!

Well off to brunch with the family!!

Love you!!!

Hello all..

It's day 938 since my diagnosis of Breast Cancer. I remember day 1. It's been a very sobering journey, and I have met so many wonderful people.

Since I wrote last so much has happened. The most amazing and wonderful thing that has happened since I really wrote a long post was my grandson Connor was born. I watch him mostly every day. He is 13 months old now, and soo much fun!

Ok so on my Breast cancer. I am done with it. I am now helping others with my organization Fight Pink! Love it, and love to help others!

Well more later!!

Hello...

It's September 2010. What has happened this year??

Healthy, happy, baby, life, love, fun, teenager, wedding & baby, soo much.

We have been traveling a bit, and that has been fun. Went to Florida in April with my girls, and also went to San Diego, and Santa Barbara, and San Francisco.

I have to be more diligent in writing.

Met a new author Paul Samuel Dolman... good book Hitchhiking with Larry David. Awesome book. I loved it. Also we got new couches. I'm a bit tired now...and hitting a wall.

I need to rest...but have to work!

Talk to you later!

Hi....Blogger folks...

Again, it's been a long time, and I am super remiss in not writing..

Everything is A-ok with me and being sick and all...not sick anymore.

Don't expect to be sick again EVER!!!

I have my 2 year re-birthday, on April 23rd. I am looking forward to being Cancer free the rest of my life for sure...

I have had feelings, like being close to dying, or death or something like that, but I don't know why??

Like I feel such a fine line...

Well the summer is over... Since I last wrote, It's been my birthday, Amanda's 21st, Rachele's birthday, and only 3 weeks until Connor is born!

Unbelievable!!

I am happy to write in my blog...I have been just so busy with Fight Pink, and writing there..so I haven't written much!

Life is pretty much the same...

Looking forward to having a blast with the baby!!

Bye!!

It's Sunday...

OH hold on a minute..I need to take the dogs out!

Ok back...

So yesterday was a day of fun! Not necessarily for me..but everyone else had fun.

I drove around in the morning with Ray to get some food for dinner. I ordered some mexican food from Roberto's because Rob said a lot of people were coming over to watch the fight/Lakers game.

It's just so funny. I wonder how it is ok, to spend all day...and I mean all day drinking beer, and swimming and spending time not with me..but with his friends..and that would include Berto. Ya, Berto and Rob are like the greatest friends.
As I sat on the stairs last night with Boo, around 11:45 pm...we discussed this:

What if I had a bus load of friends over my house all friggen day long, drinking beer and swimming? What would Rob do? I think he would leave. What do I do? Oh I make food..and serve.

Crappy actually. Oh and when I ask people to leave...ya at this point I have been upstairs for at least 3 hours, and Rob passed out in bed an hour ago, and yes people are still in my pool, and my jacuzzi....What is up with that?

Then I come down and be the B*tch and tell these people to leave..and they look at me like I have three eyes! Are you kidding me??? Ugh... I am so done with these parties and people coming over and spending 300$ on food and beer for everyone to eat.

Do you know what I would just like? I would like to just sit in the jacuzzi with my man...and just talk and laugh, and plan my future with him, and live.

I don't like to compete. I don't like to beg for time, because we really don't know how much time we have left.

So I went downstairs to put the dog out...and there is a trashcan that is totally overflowing with Beer cans... That is so redneck!

My perfect evening...soft music..candles..kicking in the jacuzzi...talking about life.

My not perfect evening...listening to hard music, tons of people screaming in the backyard, towels and towels to wash, going to my room just to be able to breathe and be alone....

How unaware is my family??? And when I say something... I am asked where I parked my broom!

Ya...I'm a little pissed off right now... Looking forward to Florida in a few weeks, like you have no idea!

Going to the OC again on Tuesday...just for a day trip..or maybe I will stay 1 night.

Ok..now I will go...and continue to be irritated!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

OK.... So it's May 21st... been a hellish 3 weeks since I wrote last!

My Grandma passed away and it was horrible. I found out on Monday morning May 4th that I needed to jump on a plane quick and get to California.

So I just made the reservation...got on the plane and my Aunt picked me up. We went straight to the hospital. My grandmother was not even very up...or awake. I fed her some water..and some ensure by a spoon, and we awaited the ambulance to pick her up to take her home.

We were taking her home, not because she was ok... we were taking her home to die.

How do you do that? How do you pack your grandma up and then get her to her house and just watch and wait for her to die?

WOW...I have never dealt with anything so sad and just plain crazy.

We nursed her night and day. I stayed with my mother, and my brother flew in from Atlanta...and we just waited...

Lots of pain, and a difficult interaction with a family member and she finally passed. I didn't want to see her go..

I remember so much.. I didn't want to remember her like that.

Ugh...

Did the whole funeral thing, with a twist! Ya..not talking about the twist.

I'm happy to be home after 2 weeks in California.

I am taking the girls on holiday to Florida at the end of next month...need some time with the girls.

I am so looking forward to that!

Just plugging along in this life..but I do believe that I would like to make some more plans. I am not sure what is prompting this, but I have a really crazy feeling that I need to do things in my life. Not wait until we have enough money to do everything. You NEVER have enough money to do things...or it isn't the right time to do things... ya know??

I have to do "things"- What things???

Here I will make a list:

I want to make a plan to go to visit one of the hotels here on the strip at least once a month, go to a show, go to dinner... I walked by the Paris Hotel this morning with Boo... and saw this cute cafe called "Mon Ami Gabi" which translates into My Friend Gabi. They are open for breakfast at 7am to 11am. How cool is that? I want to go to "Mon Ami Gab" and have breakfast.

I want to go on a weekend away with Rob just to reconnect...it's good for us to reconnect.

I want to take my Girls to New York, and to Paris in the next year. Paris in the spring time.. my dream.

I want to go to DC, and walk the Holocaust museum. I went there before..didn't stay long, but loved it.

I want to go to Italy, and take a picture by the Tivoli fountains.

I want to swim in the Mediterranean Sea, and ride a donkey in Greece.

I want to make plans to spend the rest of my life. I can't live my life in a day to day existance... I honestly would probably die if I couldn't make plans.

I don't think I was so much like this before. But I did need to always look forward to something to do, but now it is like a sickness...something that I can't seem to shake.

I want to get up, get out, live life..and not in a 9-5 everyday existence.

I want to share all the good times I have left with my family, my kids, and make plans to do that.

I look so forward to my new grandson, Connor. I love him so much already. He will be a great joy.

I want control of me..

I want to share my introspective thoughts as well...

I am a bit confused really on my life mission. I do know that I am to help people, and I think I am doing that, it was a promise I made to God, in 11th grade actually...one day when I lost something that I really really liked. I promised God right there that I would grow up and do something to help people. Silly huh???
But...he answered my prayer, and hopefully he is looking at me and thinking I am doing some good.

Although honestly, he already knows what I am going to do with me...Funny huh!

I guess he gave us free will too.. I could have made some bad choices..and maybe I did..but now I think I am on the right Path. (she says hesitantly)

So I was reading Osho today... and I like this thought..

"In the night, if you go to a lake and the lake is silent and there are no ripplles, the lake becomes a mirror. You can look at yourself in the lake, but you are false--just a reflection. The reflection comes from the real, but the reflection is not real. Mind is just as reflecting Phenomenon."

Ok... so I'm going to get dinner for me and Ray and Boo and CoCo..

That's a good thing...

Love you!

Hey just a quick note...It's Rob's birthday today...I spent the day shopping with Boo..most of the stuff we bought was for her..funnny how thast happens.

We will have dinner here tonight for him...yea enchalada cassarole, and the kids and some friends..

Maybe swim..

It's a good thing!

Tomorrow is the Race for the Cure...I am so excited!

Everyone is going but I don't think Berto will be there :( I don't think Codena wants to go.

So up early in the morning...and off to the race!!

Oki doki...i have to go....still have to go to the market!

Hello everyone! Well today is April 27th...I celebrated my one year "re-birth" day on the 23rd!

How was my day on the 23rd? I had to go for my annual breast check! UGH..that means MRI--Mammo..etc.

I went on the 22nd to get some blood, and they put and IV port in my arm so I wouldn't have to be stuck more than once! Laura the Chemo nurse is soooo sweet she poked me once..and it didn't hurt, that is how I knew she didn't get my vein. Then I told her.."Hey how about here?" Right in the crook of my arm..the best vein that I have! Well it's a bit torn and tattered, but she got it the first try!

So gave blood came home with the port in my arm..

Then woke up in the morning and got out of the house by Noon. Amanda took me, and Ray did too, because it was Take your kid to work day, and she didn't want to go to school. So I was happy to have support with me when I had my tests.

We pull up to Nevada Cancer Institute, and WOW..they are dropping me off and going to lunch with Grama??? Did I hear you right??

Okie Dokie!!

Well I went upstairs first to see if they needed to flush the port..nope..then downstairs for my Mammo.

Ok so I get there and they say Bi-Lateral Mammo.... HUH??? WHY?? I only have one boobie with breast tissue?? So I go round and round with the girl, who honestly I don't think knows what a Mastectomy is? Finally a woman comes out from the back, and I explain her my situation...and she finally says oh...you have an implant from a mastectomy...got it! No bi-lateral Mammo!! I was meanwhile texting my doc who was upstairs at the time...asking him if he ordered my meds for the MRI.

Well done with the Mammo and onto the MRI I go and see Bill he is he MRI guy there..the only MRI guy.

I ask him if the Adivan is on its way..he says yep! Then 20 min later...while reading the people magazine cover to cover..I ask him again...he says Yep! Well it took about 45 min to get the medicine down to me!

Then I climb on the table..feeling good at this time..get slid into the tube..and promptly start dreaming...they pull me out, and flip me over like a flapjack, and breasts in the coils and then I hear my Doc..he's standing at the door checking to see if I'm ok? Yep..in dreamland..he wants to see me after the test. He couldn't get a hold of me because my Cellphone said it was disconnected, because it's a stupid cell phone!

Saw him quick in the office, he will let me know the results of the MRI and Mammo next week..he though I was "cute" on Ativan! LOL

I don't remember much of the day after that. I came home with my jeans and shoes on and climbed into bed...I was out until about 9:30 or so. I could hear faint screams of children in the pool, and Rob laughing! Wow..nice to see that everyone is having fun!! They should all be surrounding my bed, waiting on me hand and foot, what is wrong with these people!!!!

So..talked to my doctor again today...nothing yet.

Onward!!

Stacy

Watch!

Hello...

So I was wondering about what is going on in this crazee world? The weather is crazy, and I think that I am going to start keeping a diary of all the crazy stuff that goes on in this planet...maybe only for a month...just a thought.

I have been feeling super achey for the past few days, and I am trying to figure that one out as well. I go to the rhumetologist on Friday morning which is good, and I can then get the answers to my blood test.

Oh I have to go for my annual exam again...argh...I have to keep up with that because of the whole Breast cancer/Ovarian cancer/Cervical cancer link. What a nice thing..huh? Wait.....you don't get just one of these diseases if you act fast we will throw in another one absolutely FREE! WoW.... Yea..that is the BRCA 1 or 2 Gene.

OH...come on now!!! That is so not fair! So Yes...I will go and get my wonderful PAP...and then That will be fine so I can breathe again...OH..but then Guess what??

I do have to go for my next Breast MRI. UGH..I do not like going to that! Last time I went was in November. Then I had to have another Biopsy in December. That one came back clear! STAY AWAY from my Boobies Please!

I would like to just skip around going to that one...but alas...that would be remiss..

So I will ask for my injection to make me relax...because last time I forgot, and I thought I was all "cool" and I can do this without drugs right? NOPE...freaked out when I was in the "TUBE"...no not the London Tube which is very cramped but I would rather be cramped in the London Tube not in the Nevada Cancer Institute Tube. And another question??? Who the hell invented the MRI machine? It is one noisey Mother! I mean honestly I think it actually speaks to you while it is going ...nya nya nya nya nya nya nya...Then you hear wee wee wee wee wee wee..then chk chk chk chk chk..then I swear it starts saying...Ha ha ha ha ha I have you in here...and you can't move! How do you like being in this tube which is much like being buried alive! Yes ALIVEW (evil hiss) Mua HA hA ha ha!

Ya..don't like it much can you tell?? So I will call my Onco today, and get my MRI set up.

Ok...I am outta here!

Stacy

Hi... Ya Ya .. I know the whole I will write at least 3 times a week...doesn't work very well.

It's a very nice day here in Vegas. So I am thankful for that for sure.

Been really busy with Fight Pink

Been having good and bad days with the way I am feeling....

Not in a great writing mood

Today is Berto's 18th birthday.. WOW...already 18 that means I'm so old..and when the baby is born in October..Jeeze..I am really going to be old.

I guess getting older is a good thing.. It beats the alternative!

I am excited to see some movies that just came out...

1. Twilight is on DVD tomorrow! Whooooo!
2. Knowing with Nicholas Cage- OH I just read the review it gets 1 star out of 4...but I love Nicholas Cage..so will still go and see it!

Might see it next weekend... We will see..

Here is the movie trailer!

Stacy

Well hello,

I am really happy that I changed the name of my blog... New blog name: Does an Angel Contemplate my Fate? I do indeed think so! Ya know when I first had an inkling that I may have Breast Cancer? Somewhere in the early summer of 07 actually.. How did I know that? Well it just came flying out of my mouth in an argument that I was having with Rob. Now we really don't have screaming matches...in fact..we are pretty calm when we argue. I was just talking about the incessant "same" stuff that we always talk about, and I said: "What if I had Breast Cancer, would that make you like stand up and realize that there is more to life than just a clean house?" Hmm... he stopped and looked at me and was like: "What do you mean?" Well he asks me this question because at this point he is scared...because I tend to get feelings...thoughts, and they usually come true...Bad or Good...scary or not.

He looked at me...and said...and I will never forget this.. (I was standing at the edge of the bed with laundry in one arm, and he was in the bed looking at me) he said: "I would never want that to happen to you..never." "I would never want anything to happen to you." Which is a good thing...because I honestly sometimes think the piano wire trick..was invented just for him!

So..I thought about it for a few days after that... and I ignored it. But as fate would step in...around January of 08...is when I had the dream. So.. I listened to the dream...and I do believe that I am alive because of it.

Listen to your intuition...even if your intuition is telling you something bad..don't ignore it EVER! Because we are mind, body, and spirit...all connected in one happy package. We live as if we are 3 in one... and we are not. Take all three aspects of you..and make them work together to be more aware of what is going on with your body.

Kinda like when someone is in the ER room waiting, because they are having terrible stomach pains...only to find out that they are about to deliver a baby! I don't get that... so completely unaware of themselves. Or..when someone is ignoring signs of ill health...for such a long time that they only come to the realization when there is a complete impairment of some limb, or eye.. Come on folks.. wake up... Don't be separate...

If you are a hysterical hypochondriac on the other hand...keep being that way...just don't tell everyone.. until you know for sure that you do have that "brain tumor." (Verifiable from a CT Scan!)

Unite...come together..and live!

Stacy

Take a look at the video...Spread the word!




Awesome! Go to www.earthhour.org

Stacy

It's Friday finally. I am happy about that. Down time...

Wrote an email to Ray's teacher today..she is a sweet heart.

I'm a bit crabby..and grumpy... I think Tired.

Ya..that's it..

So... no more writing..


LOL..

ME

Hi......

It's Valentines Day... And boy have I had some conversations today. It started this morning with a call from my mom...she is so sweet, and always so worried about me. We had a funny conversation..and she was telling me all about her neighbor who was crying because her husband doesn't believe in Valentines Day. Honestly..what man does? The men, actually think Geeze..I have to go and get flowers or a card, or something else...I was in the line at Sam's club an I saw a man holding flowers...he looked a bit hurried, because it was about 5:30..and I wondered what was going on in his head.

He was in line at Sam's club...getting a bouquet of flowers...I kinda felt sorry for him. He looked goofy to me. I'm not judging, no not at all, just stating the facts. I could tell that he was not at all comfortable with his purchase. Like if he was getting a DVD of "Saving Private Ryan" or the whole 5th season of "South Park" he would have looked much more comfortable with his purchase. He was thinking... " I hope these are good enough." "Are these good enough?" "SHIT..what if she doesn't like them?" He was looking at every flower, and smelling them and then looking again... The poor soul. All of this for a bouquet of flowers that will be put into water, then be thrown out in the trash with the empty milk carton, and the empty box of cereal.

All of that...just to give someone flowers. Well...as I stared at him a bit more..(out of the corner of my eye...I'm not a stalker!) I then started to feel good for him. Good that he took the time out of his day to just pick up a bouquet of flowers from Sam's Club. Then I though that the woman who was to get those flowers..was actually lucky that he took the time to go to a where house superstore to get flowers! People were selling all kinds of flowers on the street corners...flowers, bears..candy.

So as I checked out of the market...I watched him smile...say thank you..and then turn for the door.. Happy with his purchase. Happy to make someone else happy. I guess that's all that really matters. Just as long as you are happy! Because, Life's to short to be anything but happy!

Stacy

Hello! Nothing much to report on my health. Besides the fact that I almost had a heart attack yesterday. I can't tell you why....but I will soon. Other than that...its just a normal day of watching the fish swim, watching the clouds ...oh..no clouds today!

I really think that life is just crazy. Honestly. Just when you think you've got it down, BAM something hits you like a freight train.

My health is good...and it will keep getting better. I have been on the treadmill, and walking everyday which will help with my joints. Which by the way are always sore! A side affect of LIFE I think!

Wanted to write in the blog today..so to report any changes in my world. Oh yes, how my world changed yesterday....

I will tell you when I can. Is it good? I think so... oh the picture above..it's Bear and CoCo... aren't they cute?

Stacy

DREAMER: "Well I come from an Island, its called the Island of Heart. It's surrounded by the sea of Intuition. The days are short and the nights are even shorter, and every dawn a fresh breeze blows away the static thoughts and dead ideas."

REALIST: "So, I come from the planet earth. My people are stubborn and set in their ways. Our ideas don't just float in on a breeze. We plant them in the ground, and watch them into big ass trees, with big ass roots. I eat dreamers for breakfast!

DREAMER: Ya Right? You drink your breakfast from a can!

I have always been called a Dreamer...and mostly in a derogitory sense...Keep your feet on the ground! I'm told...Don't reach for the stars. You're such a Dreamer! all the while shaking their heads, tsk tsk tsk...

Well you know what? You BUZZ KILLERS! I have this little half moon paper weight on my desk. It is silver and engraved. The inscription says "Dreams are necessary to life"

Another quote from this film that I love....

Jack and Jill are walking to his car...a silver mercedes.

She says, "Oh, he sweeps me away in his big boring silver bullet."
He says, "That's not good enough for you Princess?"
She Says, "No, I was hoping for a chariot and Unicorns, something a little less predictable!"

I'm so the "she says." The Dreamer.....and I am so happy for that. I will never keep my feet on the ground...I will never stop reaching for the stars..and I will never stop being me...until me stops...

:)

Just a quick note to say hello....

I am underwater actually....been sick, kids sick...everyone sick. So going to get an x-ray tomorrow on my chest...been coughing too much. Lets hope that we can nip it in the bud. Well it's been a few days I been sick... Like since last week..Today is Monday..and I am really happy that tonight is the season opener of Heroes and also Medium! Yea.

So I am just relaxing with my little one who is sick with an ear infection..I just coughing and coughing...

I will touch base this week...again..

Stacy

Hi...it's been a while...

Well I thought that I should write at least 3 times a week. I really should...So I will vow to do it!

Well we have all been so sick...I have been putting it off..right? Like you can put being sick off..I should say pushing it off... I have been taken care of everyone..and it's been making me tired. Well we had to go to go away for the weekend for a Family function...and I was sooo sick the whole time. Drove home last night...

Just got off of the phone with my oncologist, and.......argh.... he won't give me any antibiotis...He thinks taht this is a virus that must work itself out...I told him that I will give him a call in a couple of days from the hospital and let him know how I am feeling. He laughed (nervously) and said that he would rather see me tomorrow and get an x-ray if I feel really bad. So..I will keep you updated.

My thought for this: I know me. I know my body...do I have a virus? Nope..it is some icky mean bunch of germs, actually having a party right inside my lungs! Yep, throwing a party, drinks, friends and the whole shebang!

I know I will need antibiotics...let's just see if I know me?

Stay tuned.......

Stacy

Here is the video of the actual swearing in!



Here is an excerpt from his speech and the full text version!



January 20, 2009, 12:07 pm
President Obama’s Inaugural Address
As prepared for delivery.

My fellow citizens:

I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met.

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics.

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life.

For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sahn.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do.

Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you.

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

“Let it be told to the future world…that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive…that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it].”

America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Well what a miracle! A plane going down in the Hudson River in NY City and no one died. If you take a look at the picture above....on a wing and a prayer...really gives you a different meaning of that phrase...

Well I just thought that it would be important to have some kind of mention in my blog about this.. They are calling it the "Miracle on the Hudson."

Here is a video as well: AMAZING!



God Bless them all....and the pilots and crew, Wow...

Today is Monday...and the middle of January almost already. I swear I don't know where the time goes. Had a quiet weekend went to some friends house this weekend and played some board games...they were so funny. Came home and played the games with the kids... Scattagories it is called. Such a funny game, and it makes your head think.

So there is this "so-called" dice that has letters on it. You roll the die, and what ever letter it comes upon that is the letter that all of your answers must have in it. Then you have a card that has 12 different phrases.

So if you rolled an S all answers must be an S. So an example:

1. Fictional Characters --- Simon Says
2. Menu Items --- Spaghetti
3. Magazines --- Shape
4. Capitals --- St. Louis
5. Kinds of Candy --- Snickers
6. Items you save up to buy--- Shoes
7. Footwear --- Socks
8. Something you keep hidden--- Secrets
9. Items in a suitcase --- Shirts
10. Things with Tails --- shrew
11. Sports equipment --- Softball
12. Crimes --- Serial Robber

You only have 3 minutes and if your answer matches another persons both do not get the point! It was so fun... we laughed and laughed.. Berto came up with the most crazy answers, and challenged us to find him not right... but we would let him get away with some of them.... One of his answers was for a capital- Shazakistan... we were like NO WAY...but he was so adimant... funny!

Anyway that was it... just relaxed did all the normal daily grind...wanted to get to the movies...but that didn't happen..

Take it easy..... Stacy

Hi just a quick note...

I was started a new medicine, called amitryptyline it is for nerve pain.
I like it better than the neurontin. The neurontin made my taste horrible. Made everything taste horrible.

Sean is on it as well, for his nerve pain. So both me and Sean are on the same meds...funny his for the nerve pain from his back surgery, me for my breast cancer surgery.

Oh I'm not in such a writing mood.. so I will rest now..

Stacy

You must Love your neighbor as you love yourself.....

My father sent this email to me..along with a prayer..

My instructions were to pick people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this prayer because....Prayer is one of the Best Gifts we Receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

Here is the prayer :

I ask You to bless my Relatives, Friends, and everyone reading this right now. Where there is Pain, give them Peace and Mercy. Where there is Self-doubt, release a Renewed Confidence through Your grace. Bless their Homes, Families, Finances, their Goings and their Comings. Amen.

Sweet and simple and I loved it.

My dad is a great guy, and I couldn't have asked God for a better man to raise me as his daughter, and love me the way he does. He is always there...and I love him so very much. I don't know what I would do without his level head, and listening spirit. He is always listening. He waits until I am done talking, even if I am going on and on about nothing.. he just patiently waits and listens...and his responses are always something that I eagerly await. He is kind, and caring, and loving, and most of all Funny as all get out! He makes me laugh all of the time with his sense of humor. I am so lucky to have him as my father. I know God blessed me with him...he saw my life even when I was 5 years old and he became my new dad..he saw my road in this life long before I did. He knew what I would be and where my journey would take me.. and I'm happy to have my father with me... So God thank you for my Dad...thank you for the vision that you had to choose such an amazing man for me.

Stacy

Well everyone....

I'm in the clear... results back..and its all good!

WHEW...feels like I dodged a bullet...nope more like a Rocket Launcher...

LOL...

Just so you all know... I'm soooo Happy!

Here is a great video...amazing singers...



Stacy

SO...I wrote a letter to President Elect Obama... I wanted to post it here..it is about survival, not only as a breast cancer survivor, but as a nation.

What does this inauguration mean to me?

By Stacy

In today's economic turmoil it is important, no, it is imperative that American's know that our Leaders of this great nation are in touch with the people. As we all well know, history repeats itself. Today, as I sit here in my home, I reflect on the situations that many people here in Nevada and throughout this great nation are enduring. I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 9 months ago, and because of that I have learned a great deal about surviving, not only to live your life, but the actual realization of the innate ability to survive and your survival instinct.

Due to my health, I have not been able to do as much as I used to do. While staying at home recovering I started a non profit organization, to help Breast cancer survivors, co-survivors and anyone interested in learning about Breast Cancer. I have met many amazing people across this great nation, including other survivors, husbands of victims, and physicians who are helping Fight Pink with our vision, by sharing their books, stories of survival, heartache, and faith. I have had so many tough challenges to overcome in the last 9 months, but never gave up, never stopped being a survivor, I choose to survive.

To survive in the economic turmoil of today, not only within our borders, but on the Global stage is and will continue to be the up most important task of your administration. What has caused this economic downfall? There is certainly more than one cause. We can blame the mortgage industry, we can blame the War on Terror, we can blame oil prices, free trade, and we can blame each other until we are blue in the face, but what we need now is action.

I spoke of History repeating it self? Let's look at the great depression. It was caused by investors selling off 16 million shares of stock because they had lost faith in the American Economy. Can it happen again? I do believe so. It will not happen in one day that we call "Black Thursday", it will happen gradually as it is happening now, every day. Every day Americans thoughts are shifting, their minds are searching for an answer. Their minds are fearing the collapse of not only America's economy but a Global ripple that will be caused by the inability of our great Nation to rise above and become a survivor.

What became of America after the Great Depression? In 1932 we elected a new President, Franklin D. Roosevelt. He created the "New Deal." We need a "New Deal" Mr. President-elect Obama, one that will create closeness between the government and the people. It has been 76 years since the "New Deal" and we must create an America that will not continue to test each and every American life, doubt our abilities and our values and cause us to despair. We need to survive as a Nation, emerge stronger and give Americans that glimmer of hope, and renew our faith in America and its political and economic systems.

You are tasked to not only bring together the people of this United States of America, Mr. President-elect Obama, but what you do will impact the world on a Global Level. You will be looked at under the microscope, not because of the color of your skin, but because of the content of your character. The word Character, it defines who you are. Taking the words from the great Mr. Martin Luther King Jr. above, shows you how much we have already overcome. It shows you how amazing people of this great nation are, and how ONE person can make a difference. I am looking forward to your administration, to your NEW DEAL, we understand that it won't be done over night, but we know that it will be done.

I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. Our school district is one of the worse in this great Nation. We have up to a 50% high school drop out rate. I am very concerned with the future of not only our state but of the state of education in general.

I touched upon Education because without education, we have nothing. You and Michelle were in Africa, you went inside the CDC's traveling HIV testing unit, and got tested for HIV. You showed the people of Africa not to fear, but to know. It's about educating our children, it's about re-educating the masses on your plan, your ability to assemble the best minds in the country in your Administration to advise you and lead this nation into the future. We need new economic programs, new "Alphabet Agencies," new hope and a new relationship of trust, not turmoil, patience, not persecution and a Federal Government that takes on these responsibilities for the welfare of the people of this great Nation, a government "of the people, by the people, and for the people."

Study history, Mr. President-elect Obama, become a pioneer, not a maverick. Be humble as you are. Have faith in the great people of this Nation, the great people that started this nation. Within the Gettysburg address President Lincoln said it best: "The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here."


He was talking about the brave men, living and dead, who struggled here in this great Nation on a battlefield, well today we have a different battlefield, and it is a different fight. He spoke of dedication to unfinished work, and great tasks remaining before us. He spoke of freedom, a new birth of freedom. You speak of a new birth of Change.

We look forward to your Administration. I will tell you this, I am concerned about this country, because I love this country. I am concerned about the lack of communication from our previous administration, and I look forward to your promise to communicate with us however painful. To educate us, enable us, and inform us on what the future America will be.

As I said, I am a survivor, a Breast Cancer survivor at only 42 years young. I started a non-profit organization Fightpink.org with my oldest daughter while recovering, and know that If I can overcome loosing many things this past nine months, along with my breast, my dignity as a woman and I am just ONE person in this great country, imagine all the people of this great nation with this innate ability to survive.

We are here, and we stand strong, and we believe in you and your ability to lead us.

Thank you for your time Mr. President-elect Obama, and my God Bless you and guide you on your Journey.

Well it is January 1st, and this is the start of a good year! The picture is of Ray, and I thought it was a good picture to end the year with! She is just crazy hair, with her hands up...I Love it.

I didn't write anything in the post yesterday, just made a place holder, so I will write when i feel more reflective.

I had a good night last night...just relaxed and kicked back.. Today is football, and pizza.

Everyone in the family is happy that it is a new year, since 2008 was pretty bad, and sometimes good. I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm like...Who are you? Really I look much different, more tired, and just not as bright as I used to...

I do feel a lot different as well, and It is funny because not many people understand. They just go on with their lives, as they should, and look at me the same, but if I could describe me inside..

I would say more centered, more sure of what is real in my life, what is good, and what I need to be in that centered place. I know this year kicked my butt, so bad, with 5 surgeries, and they were difficult. One of the side effects of being under anesthesia so much, I forget things...or repeat things... It is getting much better, but I do know I have to concentrate a bit harder on things.. It isn't noticeable to others as much, but to me I know it.

I also notice how people in general look at people. I really noticed that in this journey. Men tend to still look at women as being this "object" and I can't stand that. It never really bothered me at all, I would see a pretty girl, and be like "why would she dress like that?" Now, I may see that same pretty girl, and think that she is some what in the dark. A lot in the dark. Men then look at them like objects. And what this illness has taught me is that we are so much deeper than that as human beings, and probably a HUGE portion of the population, doesn't get it.

We are so concerned with our looks, and our hair, and our nails, and our clothes...all of our EGO behaviors that we forget what is essential to our being. I would go through life, worrying about the most mundane, ridiculous, things...and now none of that matters.

It really doesn't. I don't like to think about how men view women, or how women view men when it is all about the EGO. I wish for this year, people would get more in touch with themselves, and their families, their friends. Be in touch with the spiritual side of life.

Funny thing is....I guess if you haven't walked down the path, a path that makes you really contemplate your life, then I am not too sure you can even understand.

Life really is simple. You are born, you live and then you die. It's all that stuff in the middle, how you treat people, how you respect peoples wishes, not hurt people, be kind, help people if you can...and honestly get to know yourself..and learn..and share...that makes a difference.

Life is about learning. I feel that I have learned so much about people in my life so far. I have been abandoned many times, in many ways in my life, and I am a survivor. I am a survivor of life.

But this is just me...one story...one person in this world of Billions...

My New Years resolution: Be bright...shine...share...love with all that I have...keep coming out of the darkness...because there really is no such thing as darkness...it is just the absence of light. Darkness doesn't exist...according to Einstein!

Love you all...

Stacy

Ok.... had the biopsy and the MRI yesterday...lying in bed, relaxing today, with my Roo and YoYo!

All feeling a bit under the weather. The biopsy/mri was not fun... and thankfully it was more of an open MRI..so not so closed, but what amazed me is that they did the surgery right there in the MRI room.. just put his little tray of instruments right up along side of me and sat there and did the biopsy.

One thing that I thought was kind of neat is that while I was laying on my stomach for an hour, they had my boobies in this contraption. Ok so laying on my tummy put my breasts in the holes, and then the right one was compressed with this grid like thingie. So when they put me in the MRI machine, it made the images with a grid like pattern. This is so the physician could see which quadrant the doctor had to drill into to get the sample of "suspicious" tissue.

The IV was good, they only had to stick me 2 times, the drugs were ok as well, took the pain away not too groggy. While he was actually starting the biopsy, he started to inject me with Lidocaine. He used a total of 40mg when he ws all said and done. The thing that I really didn't like was the drill like thing.... he was cutting on the breast just a small incision, then this drill was going into my breast, and he says tell me if it hurts, and IT DID.... then he would stop and more Lidocaine..then again, but he was very nice. I was crying, and listening to country music on the headphones...the song that was on was Lonestar, From My Front Porch Looking in. I will forever relate that song to this procedure.

I kept on having to go in and out of the MRI machine for more pictures, then out for more surgical fun, then back again. I couldn't move because I couldn't move the right breast that was in the grid. It was horrible. An my arms were strapped to my sides so i couldn't even scratch my nose, or wipe my tears or nose.... I had to ask the nurse to do it for me..they always were asking me.."are you ok" what am I going to say? NO Get me the heck out of here? They already told me if I move, they can not finish the test because they can only inject me with the G-Contrast only once in a week or something like that. So that made me want to just suck it up and not move.

Anyway after all of that, they took me down to Mammo and had to give me a mammogram of the right breast, just to make sure that the clips they inserted were in the right spot. To me that was crazy, because I just had surgery and yes squeezing the breast after that, hurt, and of course bled.

Wonderful. Almost Barbaric, I would say. If this happens when I am awake, I can only wonder what happened the first time when I had my mastectomy.

Well I got home, and slept until early evening since the whole ordeal started at 10am I slept until 6pm...then had a bit of dinner. Then back to sleep...

So today, I am sore, and sick to my stomach... it bothers me alot actually.

And that is it.. I am not knowing anything about the results yet. I will let you know...

Stacy

Well, it is Monday morning on December 29th....and today I will go for yet another wonderful biopsy, and MRI...needles, contrast the whole shebang!

But I do believe that it will be ok. If it is the dreaded C again..lets hope it is a Second Primary...not mets.

But again I think that I am dreading the test more than the outcome actually! Funny how that happens.

Had one of my brother's friend call me Heather, what a sweetheart, she talked to me in the beginning way back in April. I will ring her back tomorrow probably.

Well 2008 has been a year of major highs and lows, but I do know for sure, that I am a different person than I was back in April, and May...before my surgery. I feel much less tolerant of the "stuff" in my life, ok maybe I shouldn't say tolerant, I should say more not sweating the small stuff. I appreciate much more my close family and friends, and I really will not allow any kind of stress in my life. Whether that be a person, or a job, or anything. I just need to let it all go, because it is that very thought of holding on to stress, holding on to arguments, pain, fear, that to made me in a weaker emotional state and contributed to everything that was in 2008.

My goal for this coming year, is to stay healthy, mind, body and soul. To surround me with people that are loving and caring and giving and thankful...I want to be in a healthy mind, body, spirit environment. This is my choice. I choose to surround myself with this to feed my spirit, and my health. I will not surround myself with anything else. No chaos, no stress, no fear, no arguments, just love and faith.

Sounds crazee huh? But honestly, yes there will be times when I am under stress, yes everyone gets there, but when it comes down to the core...I can still see my flame...steady and know that I am at peace.

Talk to you more soon......

Lying here in bed, it's really quiet except for the whirr of the computer, and Lola snoring. The Picture above is of my Cousins..my first cousins...who I love with all of my heart! It's Sunday morning. Today we are going shopping once again and then wrapping up some gifts later I would presume. Then after Christmas..and Hanukkah is January and my cousins Wedding. The wedding shower, is in a couple of weeks. I think about my family, and I love everyone.

I am Jewish. I married a Catholic. My children are Catholic by baptism, but Jewish by blood, it goes by the mother. Well my Aunt...my mother's sister married a Muslim.
So we have Jewish, Catholic and Islam all within our family. I think that is amazing. My first cousins are practicing Islam, the religion of Muslims. In the Jewish faith, the blood line is passed down from the mother, in the Muslim faith it is the father. So my beautiful first cousins are Muslim.

I am so intrigued with the faith, with all faiths actually. The common thread is God, Allah, Adonai, or many other names that Judaism may refer to as "God".

I listen to the stories my Uncle tells within the Qur'an. The Qur'an is the central religious text of Islam. He told me about how God took the earth from all over the world and created man. How, from that different colored earth man was made, which would help us to understand why we come in so many colors, and there are many differences in how we look. He told me of the many prophets within, Noah, Jesus, Mohammad. Muslims believe in only one God, which translated from Arabic is Allah. They believe in only one God, and Mohammad is his messenger. The Qur'an describes many Biblical prophets and messengers as Muslim: Adam, Noah (Arabic: Nuh), Moses (Arabic: Mūsā) and Jesus (Arabic: ˤĪsā) and his apostles. The Qur'ān states that these men were Muslims because they submitted to God, preached his message and upheld his values. Thus, in Surah 3:52 of the Qur'ān, Jesus’ disciples tell Jesus, "We believe in God; and you be our witness that we submit and obey (wa ashahadu bil-muslimūna)."

I talk with him in great detail about Judaism. Judaism presents itself as the covenential relationship between the Children of Israel (later, the Jewish nation) and God. As such, many consider it the first monotheistic religion although many aspects of Judaism correspond to Western concepts of ethics and civil law. Judaism is among the oldest religious traditions still being practised today, and many of its texts and traditions are central to other Abrahamic religions. As such, Jewish history and the principles and ethics of Judaism have influenced various other religions, including Christianity and Islam.

Followers of Judaism are called Jews, and while Judaism is open to converts, the Jewish collective is regarded as an ethno-religious group, for reasons derived from the sacred texts that define them as a nation, rather than followers of a faith. In 2007, the world Jewish population was estimated at 13.2 million people, 41% of whom lived in Israel.

In modern Judaism, central authority is not vested in any single person or body, but in sacred texts, religious law, and learned Rabbis who interpret those texts and laws. According to Jewish tradition, Judaism begins with the Covenant between God and Abraham (ca. 2000 BCE), the patriarch and progenitor of the Jewish nation. Throughout the ages, Judaism has adhered to a number of religious principles, the most important of which is the belief in a single, omniscient, omnipotent, benevolent, transcendent God, who created the universe and continues to govern it. According to Jewish tradition, the God who created the world established a covenant with the Israelites and their descendants, and revealed his laws and commandments to Moses on Mount Sinai in the form of both the Written and Oral Torah. Judaism has traditionally valued Torah study and the observance of the commandments recorded in the Torah and as expounded in the Talmud.

So one of the differences between the Religions of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity is that the Jews believe that they have been regarded as an ethno-religious group. This defines followers of Judaism as nation, not a follower of faith. In Islam, the prophet Mohammad was the interpreter of the word of God. In Christianity it is Christ, who spoke the word of God. Historically, Judaism has considered belief in the divine revelation and acceptance of the Written and Oral Torah as its fundamental core belief, but Judaism does not have a centralized authority dictating religious dogma.

Christianity (from the word Xριστός "Christ") is a monotheistic religion centered on the life and teachings of Jesus as presented in the New Testament. Its followers, known as Christians, believe that Jesus is the only begotten Son of God and the Messiah (Christ) prophesied in the Hebrew Bible (the part of scripture common to Christianity and Judaism). To Christians, Jesus Christ is a teacher, the model of a virtuous life, the revealer of God, as well as an incarnation of God, and most importantly the savior of humanity who suffered, died, and was resurrected to bring about salvation from sin. Christians maintain that Jesus ascended into heaven, and most denominations teach that Jesus will return to judge the living and the dead, granting everlasting life to his followers. Christians call the message of Jesus Christ the Gospel ("good news") and hence label the written accounts of his ministry as gospels.

Like Judaism and Islam, Christianity is classified as an Abrahamic religion. Christianity began as a Jewish sect in the eastern Mediterranean, quickly grew in size and influence over a few decades, and by the 4th century had become the dominant religion within the Roman Empire. During the Middle Ages, most of the remainder of Europe was christianized, with Christians also being a (sometimes large) religious minority in the Middle East, North Africa, and parts of India. Following the Age of Discovery, through missionary work and colonization, Christianity spread to the Americas and the rest of the world.

Christianity has played a prominent role in the shaping of Western civilization at least since the 4th century. As of the early 21st century, Christianity has between 1.5 billion and 2.1 billion adherents, representing about a quarter to a third of the world's population.

So what does this have to do with Breast Cancer? Well, I am Jewish by blood. I do not know if my ancestors were Ashkenazi Jews. Ashkenazi Jews have a higher breast cancer rate. They are genetically different. Their DNA is different...Both the extent and location of the maternal ancestral deme from which the Ashkenazi Jewry arose remain obscure. Using complete sequences of the maternally inherited mitochondrial DNA, it shows that close to one-half of Ashkenazi Jews, estimated at 8,000,000 people, can be traced back to only four women carrying distinct mtDNAs that are virtually absent in other populations, with the important exception of low frequencies among non-Ashkenazi Jews. We conclude that four founding mtDNAs, likely of Near Eastern ancestry, underwent major expansion(s) in Europe within the past millennium.

Although in the 11th century they comprised only 3% of the world's Jewish population, Ashkenazi Jews accounted for (at their highest) 92% of the world's Jews in 1931 and today make up approximately 80% of Jews worldwide. Most Jewish communities with extended histories in Europe are Ashkenazim, with the exception of those associated with the Mediterranean region. The majority of the Jews who migrated from Europe to other continents in the past two centuries are Ashkenazim, Eastern Ashkenazim in particular. This is especially true in the United States, where 6 out of the 7 million American Jewish population — the largest Jewish population in the world when consistent statistical parameters are used— is Ashkenazi, representing the world's single largest concentration of Ashkenazim.

That was one of the first questions my oncologist asked me? Are you Ashkenazi? I didn't know the answer. I may never know the answer. I know my family was from Germany....German Jews...before that...I don't know..

Specific abnormalities in the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes are more commonly found in Ashkenazi Jewish women. Ashkenazi Jews have ancestors from Central or Eastern Europe.

About 1 in 40 Ashkenazi Jews — with or without breast cancer — has a genetic mutation in BRCA1 or BRCA2. In one study of more than 5,300 Ashkenazi Jewish men and women (New England Journal of Medicine, May 15, 1997), 120 people (2.3%) had one of the three specific abnormalities in BRCA1 and BRCA2 known to be associated with a higher risk of breast cancer.

A more recent study (Journal of the American Medical Association, December 26, 2007) of more than 3,000 women diagnosed with breast cancer looked at the risk of abnormal BRCA1 genes in different ethnicities. The results showed:

8.3% of Ashkenazi Jewish women had an abnormal BRCA1 gene.

So I could be of Ashkenazi decent, and I probably am. I probably won't get the genetic testing for the BRCA1. Then my insurance company can be sticky with me...

So in my life, my faith, my family....I have so much. So much to be thankful for...so much to be amazed by..and so much religion surrounding me..that all leads to just one source.... GOD...

LTA,

Stacy

Well it's another day in Paradise...

Ya know I just figured out how to add a video, to my blog..that is why I have two in a row... Funny huh?

Went to the doctor last night my Oncologist, who was so sweet as always. He apologized to me about the mix up on which breast had the issue in it.

He did say it was more closer to the surface, so that makes me feel so much better, because of the recent cosmetic changes to that breast.

But we have to make sure, so I will go and see my Surgeon on Monday late morning.

Ok so today is the xmas shopping day....still a few more things to get.

Off I go....

Stacy

This is a movie made by my mom here in Las Vegas, Yes...it's Las Vegas! Snow storm December 17th 2008!

I love this movie, one of my most favorites ever....

The song is the most beautiful...listen to the words...really listen..

Spend All Your Time Waiting For That Second Chance
for The Break That Will Make It Ok
there's Always Some Reason To Feel “not Good Enough”
and It's Hard At The End Of The Day
i Need Some Distraction, Oh Beautiful Release
memories Seep From My Veins
they May Be Empty And Weightless, And Maybe
i'll Find Some Peace Tonight

in The Arms Of An Angel, Fly Away From Here
from This Dark, Cold Hotel Room, And The Endlessness That You Fear
you Are Pulled From The Wreckage Of Your Silent Reverie
you're In The Arms Of An Angel; May You Find Some Comfort Here

So Tired Of The Straight Line, And Everywhere You Turn
there's Vultures And Thieves At Your Back
the Storm Keeps On Twisting, You Keep On Building The Lies
that You Make Up For All That You Lack
it Don't Make No Difference, Escaping One Last Time
it's Easier To Believe
in This Sweet Madness, Oh This Glorious Sadness
that Brings Me To My Knees

In The Arms Of An Angel, Far Away From Here
from This Dark, Cold Hotel Room, And The Endlessness That You Fear
you Are Pulled From The Wreckage Of Your Silent Reverie
in The Arms Of An Angel; May You Find Some Comfort Here

Stacy

You live in a world of illusions. A world that springs from a much deeper and far greater reality. And while at times the illusions are indeed ugly, with your physical senses you only see the tip of the iceberg. If you could see the whole, you'd discover that the unpleasantness was only the tiniest piece of a most spectacular puzzle that was created with order, intelligence, and absolute love. You'd see that contrary to appearances, in the grandest scheme of things, nothing is ever lost, no one becomes less, and setbacks are always temporary. And you'd understand that no matter what has happened, everyone lives again, everyone laughs again, and everyone loves again, even more richly than before.

The Universe....

Ok..........Rewind!

Well I just got in from my trip, and it's snowing, and snowing hard.

But that is not why I am writing. I picked up MRI films and report. Guess what, I'm a bit angry at my doctor. My oncologist. He told me all about my "new suspicious" image, and he was talking the whole time about my left breast, the one with the mastectomy. I can see now with the films, the area, but they say it is normal.

Guess what...reading the report it isn't my LEFT BREAST it is in my RIGHT BREAST..the perfect pretty one. NICE HUH! I just can't believe this. This is what the report says:

On the right, there has been interval development of a few very small areas of nodular enhancement. These measure 4x 2mm with an adjacent 2m area of enhancement. these lie in the inferior RIGHT breast at approximately the 6 o'clock position, 7.5 from the center. The enhancement patter is rapid but persistent. Given the interval development as well as the history of DCIS which demonstrated a similar pattern of enhancement on the previous MRI, I would consider follow up with a biopsy to exclude underlying malignancy or developing DCIS.

WOW...So now Round Two.......FIGHT! So I have an appointment with the doctor again, my surgeon on Monday. Then an MRI guided biopsy and the results will be GOOD. I am going to believe this. If it is DCIS..then we deal with it. If it is another occurrence of Breast Cancer...then it has spread. NOT GOOD. But we will have to be hopeful and think that everything will be alright.

The things I go through....

Well, Well, Well........Leave Demi, and come punk me Ashton! Yea, I'm waiting for the camera's...again. Why...well got off of the phone with my doctor, my oncologist to get my results for my MRI. The MRI I had last week. Ok, now so when you have a mastectomy, they actually take your breast tissue out right? Isn't that what a mastectomy is? Let's look it up on Wiki....(dontcha love wiki)different mastectomy's according to Wiki.

Modified radical mastectomy: The entire breast tissue is removed along with the axillary contents (fatty tissue and lymph nodes). In contrast to a radical mastectomy, the pectoral muscles are spared. NOPE NOT ME


Radical mastectomy (or "Halsted mastectomy"): First performed in 1882, this procedure involves removing the entire breast, the axillary lymph nodes, and the pectoralis major and minor muscles behind the breast. This procedure is more disfiguring than a modified radical mastectomy and provides no survival benefit for most tumors. This operation is now reserved for tumors involving the pectoralis major muscle or recurrent breast cancer involving the chest wall. NOPE NOT ME

Skin-sparing mastectomy: In this surgery, the breast tissue is removed through a conservative incision made around the areola (the dark part surrounding the nipple). The increased amount of skin preserved as compared to traditional mastectomy resections serves to facilitate breast reconstruction procedures. Patients with cancers that involve the skin, such as inflammatory cancer, are not candidates for skin-sparing mastectomy. YEP ME!

Subcutaneous mastectomy: Breast tissue is removed, but the nipple-areola complex is preserved. This procedure was historically done only prophylactically or with mastectomy for benign disease over fear of increased cancer development in retained areolar ductal tissue. Recent series suggest that it may be an oncologically sound procedure for tumors not in the subareolar position. YEP ME!

Simple mastectomy (or "total mastectomy"): In this procedure, the entire breast tissue is removed, but axillary contents are undisturbed. Sometimes the "sentinel lymph node"--that is, the first axillary lymph node that the would be expected to drain into--is removed. This surgery is sometimes done bilaterally (on both breasts) on patients who wish to undergo mastectomy as a cancer-preventative measure. Patients who undergo simple mastectomy can usually leave the hospital after a brief stay. Frequently, a drainage tube is inserted during surgery in their chest and attached to a small suction device to remove subcutaneous fluid. These are usually removed several days after surgery as drainage decrease to less than 20-30 ml per day. YEP ME, but not bilateral.

So I had a Simple, Subcutaneous, Skin-Sparing Mastectomy. Well in this process, they remove all of the breast tissue right, then in reconstruction they put in an implant, and Presto! a new boobie. Well, in talking with my Oncologist this evening, and by the way I am in a hotel room, 3000 miles away from home, of course, and he told me that there was something that showed up on the MRI. Something "suspicious". NICE---WONDERFUL---In the same breast that had the Simple, Subcutaneous, Skin-Sparing Mastectomy. How is that possible? I pondered this out loud, while I screamed inside?
He told me it is probably scar tissue, but I have to make an appointment with my Breast Surgeon, Anabella B. M.D. tomorrow. So I have my BFF getting up and calling NVCI to get my MRI films printed up, then she is calling Dr. B to make my appointment
to schedule which will be my .......hmmmm let me see the 5th surgery. Well we will take it one step at a time, and take a deep breath and let it all go.

Because this is my life, this is my reality, and once again I will be ok...

You sure I'm not getting punk'd? For those of you who don't know what Punk'd is: (Again thank you Wikipedia)

Punk'd was an American hidden camera practical joke television series on MTV, produced and hosted by Ashton Kutcher, which first aired in 2003. It bears a strong resemblance to both the classic hidden camera show Candid Camera, and to TV's Bloopers & Practical Jokes, which also featured pranks on celebrities. Being "Punk'd" refers to having such a prank played on oneself, and to "punk someone" refers to making someone else the victim of the show's style of prank itself.

Ok so I'm going to bed, I have to get up in 4 hours to go to the airport, and fly home...

This is day 237.......

Love to all...Stacy